Let’s talk for a minute about vulnerability.
Webster’s Dictionary defines vulnerability as…..
Just kidding don’t worry. We all know what vulnerability is. It’s letting people see the side of you that sometimes doesn’t shower for three days but instead uses a heck of a lot of baby wipes and dry shampoo. It’s not hiding the fact that you can’t store a box of animal crackers in your cabinet without eating the entire box. It’s apologizing when you’ve done something wrong. And it’s flaunting your flaws (because covering them up all the time is exhausting).
It’s so easy for me to write these posts and not allude to the fact that I’m having a really shitty day. Even though I know that people appreciate and relate to the ups and downs of life, it’s not the most fun thing to write about. So enough words, let’s just jump right in. My skin is the worst it’s been in my entire life. And that’s counting those awkward teen years and the year I decided that peanut butter was its own food group. I don’t know if it’s stress, my diet, or I’m just blessed, but it’s out. of. control. Normally I can cover it up — I’ve become a master of disguise. But today? I woke up and didn’t want to leave the house. I know, I know, that’s dramatic. But I had a dermatologist appointment and wanted to get a run in so I knew I couldn’t put makeup on before I left. So I spent my day in public with the worst acne I’ve had in years, and I was so sad about it. I know appearance doesn’t mean everything but every time I made eye contact with someone I felt ashamed of myself and looked down. I never understood why some people say that certain conditions make them not want to leave the house, but honestly, yesterday, I didn’t. Leaving my dermatologist yesterday I walked up to the CTA stop and had two choices: one, go to a crowded gym and run, like I’d been planning all day, or two, go home and wallow, because I honestly felt like absolute garbage about myself. It took everything I had but I chose option one. I knocked out five miles on the treadmill and, what do you know, the flush from the workout actually made my skin look a little better. It was humiliating but I did it. I let myself be vulnerable. I kept thinking about all the people I could possibly run into, and what on earth would they think if they saw me without makeup, but even though my mind was saying one thing, I forced my body to do another. I just did it. And now, me and my pepperoni pizza face are feeling just a little bit better.
I upload a lot of photos on here. But you can’t just upload the pretty ones and expect people to get to know you. So I’m putting it up on the internet for all the world to see, all in the name of vulnerability. And I’m pretty sure I’ll wake up just fine in the morning and life will go on.
On a different note, let’s talk that FITNESS CHALLENGE I mentioned on Sunday!
For the month of March, I will be participating in a #100milemarch challenge. That means that over the next four weeks I will run 100 miles (shouldn’t be too tricky considering I averaged 30 miles per month through this brutal winter). I’ve been lucky enough to get my fitness in other areas (spin, yoga, sculpt, and Shred), but I really want to focus on running, my true love. So what better way to dive back in than with a challenge?
#100milemarch is a way to hold myself accountable. It’s a lofty goal but I know I can do it, especially if I have all of you to hold me accountable too! I’ll be logging the miles on Instagram as well as Twitter, so feel free to follow along or do it with me!! You know you want to…
It’s still pretty icy out so say hello to my home for the next four weeks:
But hey, they have CABLE! The finest luxury in all the world! So I might even be finding myself there for more reasons than just running….
#100milemarch is going to kick my butt. But it’s going to help me focus on my goals for the upcoming running season: (at least) one half marathon and the Chicago Marathon. Because just being able to bust out six miles doesn’t mean that 20 more are going to be a piece of cake. Right, Suz?
- Do you have any fitness challenges going right now?
- Wanna join me for #100milemarch?!
- In what areas of your life are you most vulnerable?
Sorry to hear that you were not having the most stellar of face days. We’ve all been there. I try every mth to reach 100 miles. I don’t always get it but some mths I get more so I think it evens out. Goodluck reaching your goal this mth.
You’re a rockstar! I really hope to be in a dedicated running routine like you guys are all the time.
Hey girl!! Let me say, you are beautiful!! You are beautiful both with makeup and without!! You are a natural beauty!! 🙂 Also, something I’ve never discussed on my blog, but I’ve battled adult acne many many times…I know how it feels to not want to make eye contact. I used to go to the gym and then go to Trader Joe’s and I never wanted to make eye contact because I felt ashamed. It’s not a good feeling. Oh boy, I could write a book about this, but just know that you are so so so beautiful and like you said, “this too shall pass”. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal about yourself!! You are amazing!! Way to rock 5 miles, too!!! XOXO
Not a good feeling but you’re right — “this too shall pass.” i always think, too, that if acne is the worst of my health problems I’m a lucky lady.
You are such a star for sharing this – I know you will help so many to feel confident even if they are feeling vulnerable, whether that be about their skin or anything else. Your post will be the light in someone’s darkness 🙂
100 miles in a month… Wow, I couldn’t do it, but then again me and running do not have a friendly relationship! but hey, you never know what I could do if I had access to cable! Hehe!
There’s nothing worse than bloggers who pretend to have it together all the time! I just need to make sure i’m reminding you all that there are struggles that go along with everyone’s life — it’s important to highlight those too! And sure you couldn’t run 100 miles but damn you could kill me at any WOD haha
I love your honesty:) Hang in there…its one of those things that other people don’t notice nearly as much as we notice about ourselves. My skin has been in rough shape this winter, not with acne necessarily (although some of that) but the driest its ever been in my life and I get red blotches. I think when I try to moisturize and cover it up it makes it worse…and becomes a vicious cycle.
Your gym looks really nice! Good luck with the challenge this month:)
So true!! We always think people are staring at us and noticing our every flaw but let’s be honest, everyone’s too busy noticing their own! Thanks for the well wishes!
I’m sorry about your skin, love. Our faces are so tricky because especially during winter–that might be the only part of us that people can see. I think you are gorgeous!
This will not be a 100 mile march for me, haha, Right now it is rest and heal up march!
Haha this winter is brutal — I’ve got that “breaking out” but “still dry” thing going on 😉 you’ve more than made up for not running a 100 mile march haha I think this month needs to be 100 hours of yoga for you! haha
First of all, you are gorgeous! Period. A little bit of acne does not change that fact whatsoever. Second of all, I completely understand your pain. For the past year or so, my face has been out of control as well. I’ve had several days of my own where I actually thought about calling in sick to work because I felt there was no amount of make-up that could help me. I think a lot of it has to do with stress. I recently switched to Neutragena’s complete acne system and have seen good results. Neutragena in general is a line that my skin likes. I think that maybe be some of the problem too. I tried to go more ‘natural’ skin care lines in the past year and my skin was just not having it. I may get one pimple a week now (which is a big improvement) and even then it heals much quicker. My biggest challenge now is my acne scars. I just want nothing more than to walk around with no make-up and feel 100% confident in my skin.
Stacie you are so sweet. I definitely see success with Neurtogena products, especially their moisturizers. I’ve tried natural stuff too and it’s made it so much worse! haha. For now I’m just trusting my dermatologist…not much else you can do! Acne scars are the worst I have those too. Hopefully one day we can both walk around with no makeup and be confident in ourselves 🙂
Ugh…hang in there girl! I know the feeling of wanting to hide out because of an imperfection…although I have to say, I think your beautiful! It takes a lot of courage to get out of the house when you are feeling that way…that right there is inspiration!
I get the same way when I eat too much…I look in the mirror and see a swollen face and body. It really is not healthy. Usually when that happens, I get blemishes too and I can’t even stand looking in the mirror. Lately I can’t do much but lay around and a little bit of upper body-which is a huge change from what my body and metabolism is used to. I am only allowed to have my leg down for an hour each day, and I do what I can, but I still see an out of shape, soft body that makes me cringe. It has made it hard for me to go to the gym for that hour. But, after reading your post, you inspired me to get over myself and just do it. Not to wallow and feel bad for myself!
Keep being inspirational girl! 🙂
It’s so funny how, from day to day you can feel so different about your body! One day you feel skinny so you ARE skinny, and the next day you feel fat so you ARE fat. It’s crazy! I’m so sorry you’re struggling with that and I know how frustrating it is to feel “soft.” I’m so happy you’re not wallowing today! We’re both making strides with our current imperfections and I love it!
You are awesome for sharing this! I think a lot of us can relate to this. You are inspiring 🙂
Thanks Dannii! Who can’t relate to a few imperfections here and there? 😉 It’s important to share with people ,especially friends, and I definitely feel like you all are my friends!
Kudos for being so honest and upfront. You’re so right that you can’t just show the good stuff all the time, because that’s only half the story. Hope today turns around for you!
And 100 miles in a month? That’s awesome and can’t wait to hear about how it goes for you!
Thanks! I’ll keep you updated!
I can completely relate to not wanting to leave the house due to acne. I’ve been through a couple lengthy bouts of cystic acne and tried so many things to fix it. I finally found a combination of things that work for me, I hope that you do too! In the meantime, hang in there and try not to miss out on too many opportunities due to it. But it sounds like you’re doing just fine, GO YOU for the 100 mile march!
Cystic acne is the WORST! You just feel like your skin is bumpy all the time! I’m hoping this next treatment will be my golden ticket 🙂 You’re right, it’s important not to miss out on opportunities and life just because of something like this. Gotta keep on living!
I WILL join you for 100 mile March! Hopefully most of our miles can be outside!
And I always do appreciate honesty in blogs so I will be honest right back…I know what you were feeling feels like and you are gorgeous no matter what.
Shut the front door! I can’t wait to do this with you! I’m hoping this will “bring on the spring” 🙂
love this 100 mile March challenge and i’m rooting for you Hundo P. sorry you’re having some struggles with the skin/appearance lately, but the good thing about being vulnerable and sharing that with us is that we can send prayers & good vibes your way and wish you allllll the happiness & smiles & health in upcoming days. this, too, shall pass, darling, and your beautiful soul and spirit will never change. keep your pretty chin up. xo
Thanks for all your good vibes, always. You’re such a ray of sunshine!
You are so awesome for putting this out there, I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you!! Keep trying new things and one is bound to work!! I will say that when I adapted a plant based diet, and committed to drinking no less than 90 oz of water a day my skin thanked me big time. I know it’s not for everyone though.
I think the water is what I have to commit to! Otherwise I’m following all my derm’s orders from here on out haha
I definitely understand you about the skin thing. I never had issues with my skin until I reached 26 and then all of a sudden it was all over the place. I tried millions of different products and changed my eating, but it never totally resolved. I finally found something that worked better than everything else, but it still didn’t make my skin totally clear. I went to a dermatologist who just threw some cream at me and didn’t spend any time actually listening to the progression and what I had tried. Big surprise that it didn’t work.
I appreciate the post and want to let you know that I understand where you are coming from. It’s not easy to do those things when you are feeling like less than 100%, but I’m proud that you did! Oh, and I also have to up my running since I have a half coming up in May. Sweeet.
Isn’t it funny how you thought acne was a kid/teen thing and now it’s happening to us in our 20s? What the heck?! I thought I was over this hump! haha.
Ha, when I had a gym membership, one of the things I looked forward to the most was the fact that I could watch TV while working out. I don’t know why that made me so happy, but man did it ever!
I DEFINITELY feel you on the skin thing. (Actually, weirdly enough for the past week my face has been just fine, but I’m not in any way exaggerating when I say this is literally the first time since fourth grade that I can remember not actively sprouting a new zit or seventy billion every morning or afternoon. *knock on wood*) Acne has been SUCH a struggle of mine honestly since I was in fifth grade, and I’ve tried all sorts of things — every OTC cleanser you can get at a drugstore under the sun, multiple prescription creams, antibiotics, BC: nothin’. I mean, maybe slight improvement, but certainly not clear skin. It’s been a huge source of insecurity for me FOR. SURE, but like someone else said, I really think this is something we notice about ourselves more than other people notice about us. I mean, if you think about it, based on time, who probably spends the most concentrated time looking at your face in one day? I’m guessing it’s you. (You figure, what, like at least 10 minutes of concentrated staring at yourself getting ready in the morning, then 10 more getting ready for bed at night, plus bathroom breaks, plus any other time you happen to be in front of a mirror, etc. I bet that adds up to 30-45 minutes per day, minimum.) And it’s not like you’re just looking at you, either (or at least I’m not): when I’m looking in the mirror, more often than not, I’m looking for something wrong. So then when you have a nice red spot on your face that’s all like, “HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” it’s really easy to get fixated on that and be like, “Oh my gosh. I’m like a freaking 15 year old. Except I’m in my 20s.” At least that’s what happens to me. But when I really think about it…I spend SO little time actually looking at other people’s faces, you know? Cause, uh, that’d be preeeeetty creepy, if I just stared at this stranger on the El’s face for 10 straight minutes looking for flaws. Haha. I definitely don’t at all mean to minimize what you’re dealing with, because I know how insanely frustrating it can be, and I 100% get super insecure about my acne as well. BUT I do think it can be helpful to remember that most people don’t notice your face as much as you do, and even if they do, they’re probably not as fixated on your acne as you are. At least, I know it helps me to remember that. 🙂 Best of luck to you, lady! Hopefully you and your derm can work together to find something that works well for you!
Hahaha you just made my night! You’re so right — no one really looks at people’s faces for very long! I also thought about how men who have acne don’t have the option of makeup so they have to walk around with their plain-as-day face, and the world keeps on turning. I wouldn’t look at a man with acne and think “whoa why is he out and about like that?” Makeup has really skewed our view of what a “normal” face should look like. And it’s really sad.
I’m most vulnerable with my best friend because she is very accepting and likes all of me for who I am. It’s easy to be vulnerable with a person like her. It’s hard for me to be that way with my family because they are very judgmental. I feel like I have to put up a perfect front with them. Enjoy the cable at the gym! 🙂
That’s WONDERFUL that you have someone in your life that you can do to with that. I, luckily, have a group of girls who are always open to hearing it, but I definitely wish I had that “one” person around ALL the time who is always there to listen to even the smallest stuff. 🙂 Friends are the family we get to pick, for sure!
Because you’ve exposed your vulnerable side like this, IT will inspire others to do so. And to accept their flaws because, like YOU, they have so many other beautiful things about them that outshine the flaws. Sorry for getting really deep there. . . But it’s true. You’re amazing! And best of luck on your 100 miles! You can do it!
It’s important to remind everyone that we’re all in this together — flaws and all. I love when bloggers share their weaknesses because then it makes me go easier on myself when I notice my own.
Girl, you are beautiful no matter what!! I had bad acne growing up and was definitely not fun, especially when make up didn’t really cover anything up. Hang in there – those dermatologists know what they’re doing 😉
We all have our cross to bear! And if this is my only health issue, I’ll take it!
Thank you for sharing this and inspiring all of us! we all have those days where we feel our imperfections are taking center stage. So I understand how you are feeling! Good luck on 100 mile run, aahhhh I couldn’t! That’s why you are cool and I am not 🙂
Sometimes it’s just about making that decision — I’m NOT going to let this change my day in any way. No matter how I feel outwardly. I’m always proud of myself later on then 🙂