new month, new beginnings (warning: emotions ahead!)

I know we’ve talked about this 1,000,000 times before but I’m all about new beginnings coinciding with new days on the calendar. A new year means new overarching resolutions for the year. A new week means hey, let’s maybe not eat so much pizza and maybe try a few more veggies this week. And now it’s a new month. Not just any month, but the month that officially marks the end of summer and beginning of fall.

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It’s no secret that the past few months haven’t been a picnic for me. I’ve never wanted to get too into it on the blog because honestly there is only so much emotion you can translate on a keyboard.

Three months ago my worldย completely changed. The life I thought I had and planned on living for years to come crumbled around me. Not for any tangible reason, no huge traumatic event, no giant moment of hurt or deceit, but it happened nonetheless. I quit my job and started on a whole new (and risky) life path. I left the city I had called home for six months and moved back into my childhood bedroom. I started having panic attacks and days where I couldn’t get out of bed.ย Zain and I ended our relationship. In the moment of it all it seemed like I was drowning slowly and I was never going to get past it. Everything changed. My body freaked out. My period disappeared and my acne came back in full force. I stopped working out and not only felt myself getting fluffier, but my mood plummeted. The pain that I felt the past three months was the lowest point of my life, without. a. doubt. Four months ago I was working in PR living with my boyfriend who I planned on marrying, and less than three weeks later everything was different. I won’t ever get into the breakup in this forum, but we will always love each other for the people we are. But I’m finally at a point where I can honestly say with no sadness that I loved ourย relationship for everything that it was and everything that it taught me. As cliche as that sounds, it’s the truth. He will always be near and dear to my heart, and a true love that I won’t forget.

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So here we are. It’s September. And I’m surprisingly, genuinely HAPPY. I have spent more time with my friends than I did when we were in college. I have loved EVERY single second of my new job at lululemon. The people I work with seem almost too good to be true – like they were sent by God to be in my life at this point. I have never felt so supported, so loved, so understood, so heard. We have talks during work about life and love and just the beauty of it all, the happiness AND the pain. Just the idea that being human, being alive, being able to experience feelings at all is such a blessing. I think that’s one notion that’s really helped push me through the dark period: mindfulness. Through everything, I let myself feel what I wanted to feel — both good and bad. I was mindful, honest, and accepting of how I was feeling in the moment and didn’t try to control, resist, or change it. And now I’m at the point where, between my family, friends and new coworkers and work experiences, I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and a grateful heart.

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Two months ago if you had told me that I would be this happy I would have never believed you. But I am so excited for the life I’m building with my own two hands. I finally had the courage to slow down and take control so that I could make sure that everything I was doing was pushing me forward to becoming the best version of myself.

September is so monumental for me. It’s a month to start anew. Sure, it’s going to be full of leggings and boots, pumpkin spice lattes, raking leaves with friends, trail runs, concerts, food trucks, work outings, new fitness classes, studying, etc.But I feel like this month is dedicated to myself. It’s not dedicated to moving, to job stress, to trying to save a relationship, to reconnecting with old friends. I did that all in August. And now September I’m going to sit back and let love lead.

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Thanks, as always, for dedicating some of your day to connect with me. I love learning all about your lives and I’m thrilled that you think I’m important enough to read about as well! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am SO blessed to have this blog and all of YOU. For some reason you always come back to hear what I have to say. You make me feel connected in a way that can’t be matched.

Questions:

  • What are you most excited for this September?
  • Share your life experience with me, if you’ve ever been through something like this.
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29 comments

  1. Ahhh girl, I’ve struggled before. I really have. When I was living in Washington state it was like… a complete fog. I was in a relationship that didn’t make me happy. I was in a job that didn’t make me happy. I put all my focus into obsessing about getting skinny and stopped being social and it was AWFUL. Moving to Australia to take a different position in my company was the best thing I ever did. No I take such care when I’m down to really try to focus on the positive. It’s okay to be sad for a day or, hell, even a week, but I refuse to let myself ever be that constantly depressed ever again! It will get better and it sounds like you’re in a much much better place!

    I’m sooooo excited at the end of the month to go travelling with my high school best friend on an adventure of a lifetime ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Being sad is so physically taxing! It’s such a weight off your chest when you can let it go.

      We’re going to Vietnam and Cambodia, then my roommate is joining me in Singapore for a few days! I’ve never been to Asia at all so I’m pretty excited.

  2. I bet writing that down felt like such a release! Yay for the month of Lauren! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Actually I feel like September is the month of me too – starting my health coach course on the 15th, coordinating the paleo experiment with my crossfit box and just trying to promote a healthy future for myself. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have everything in place and look forward to (not anxious) of what lies ahead.

  3. I think that you have pretty much said it all here. The only thing I’ve got to contribute is that I am happy for you–not that things have ended, but that things are only just beginning. You are back on your feet, and damn those books look fine ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Lauren, what a sincere post!! You’re such a beautiful and honest person! I’m so happy for you!! I am SO happy for you!! The fact that you took control of your life, made changes, picked yourself up, and moved on is phenomenal and oh soooo inspiring!! You are truly inspiring!! How courageous!!
    I really feel like we have a lot in common! I went through a similar situation myself with a career change and feeling lost, so YOU, my friend, are not alone!! I still feel like I’m trying to find myself and I’ve realized that that’s fine! That’s so cool you’re working at Lululemon, too!! Fabulous!!
    Have a wonderful day!! XOXO!!

  5. Ahh yay!! I went through the same thing a couple years ago, it was almost like I had let everything build up and then with a family illness and a bad break up here I was depressed and not myself, moody and not pleasant to be around at all, but just like you life moved on and I am so much happier than I thought I was then so congrats I know how tough a journey it is to get over!
    I can’t for this month either ๐Ÿ™‚ Just reading this post made me so excited for all the leggings and boots and pumpkin spice everything ๐Ÿ™‚ !

    1. You think, in the moment, that life will never go on or be the same. But life DOES go on and we all get through the tough times. I’m happy that I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel ๐Ÿ™‚ and is it bad that I really want the weather to cool down significantly just so I can wear all the fall stuff? I can’t wait!

  6. Teared a bit. I am SO excited that you are feeling better than you did months ago. I love your idea of new months being the start of new things! I will jump on board with that one. I don’t feel like summer happened at all but I am excited for the fall!!!!!

  7. Wow good for you for making such scary and life altering decisions- everything always works out for the best, especially when you follow your heart! My boyfriend and I are actually going through a similar situation. I think that September is going to be a very telling month for us. Loved this post!!

    1. Your gut is soooo quiet sometimes but man, it’s always there telling you the right thing to do. Good luck to you and your boyfriend – I know it can be so painful, scary and confusing, but whatever is meant to happen will happen. I’m so glad we’ve connected so we can support each other when we’re going through similar situations ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I am so happy to hear you’re feeling better, it’s the best feeling when you start feeling like things are looking up, and like you have control again! It sounds like you went through so much, but it also sounds like you’re already learning from all of those difficult challenges and situations. I hope September is an AMAZING month for you– a new season is definitely a fresh start ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. It’s crazy to think where I was one year ago and where I am today. It’s been a rough year. BUT now I’m in an amazing place so how could I regret even a second of it? I’m starting to finally realize that about life ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Phew! You had quite the summer, that’s for sure. But I love your mindset for September, and it sounds like, despite the rough patch (to put it lightly!) you navigated this summer, that things are really starting to look up for you and fall into place. That’s so wonderful, and I bet you’re going to have an amazing month/rest of 2014 ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. I am so happy to hear that you’re in a better place than a few months ago! We all go through times in our lives when the things we thought made so much sense for us no longer do. But you know what I’ve learned? Us human beings are resilient. We grow, we move forward, we have the ability to learn from things and get stronger and smarter. It sounds like you’ve gotten to a place where you’re more comfortable with all these big life changes. You go woman! I have a feeling that your fall is going to be an awesome one ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. what a heartfelt, honest, genuine post — thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us, sweets. so sorry that you went through such a rough time but so glad for you that you were able to learn and grow and evolve through the process, and be strong and mindful enough to take your time and regain your “best sense of self” slowly, as you were ready. it sounds like you have a great support system and wonderful people and so many blessings for which you’re extremely grateful, and that makes all the difference in life. so encouraged to hear someone go through a rough patch and use it to better themselves and see themselves as an overcomer, a life-learner, and i’m excited for you as you continue to grow and progress on your journey of self-discovery. the best thing i’ve learned about that journey in my 30-smthg years is that it never ends — we just have to embrace and love the ride. you can’t always control your circumstances, but you can control how you react and respond and rebuild — and it sure sounds like you’re on the up and up. โค

    1. It does finally feel like it’s on the up and up! And yeah, it was a combination of a great support system and learning to handle emotions by myself. Pain is inevitable – I just realized I have to get through it. There’s no secret other than just getting through it. Life goes on!

  12. Oh girl! I can share a few stories like this. It’s amazing how a new season, a new beginning can remind you about all of the amazing things in your life now and the life yet to be lived! I once ended a relationship around new years and vowed to start that year living for me. I wrote in a journal and searched for myself and was better off for it. I have continued to grow and progress since then…each life changing event…move, job change, etc forcing me to reevaluate my passions and path and sending me towards happy. Great to hear that you are happy and have found your way! There are great things in your future.

    As for September…I am heading to Memphis for a girl’s weekend and can’t wait and we are hoping to have our wedding venue booked soon which will be such a big thing off my plate.

    1. I go back and forth between feeling so selfish for taking this time for myself but ultimately it really feels great. I know that in the future everything will fall into place when/how it’s supposed to ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for your support–It’s good to hear I’m not alone!

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