I know we’ve talked about this 1,000,000 times before but I’m all about new beginnings coinciding with new days on the calendar. A new year means new overarching resolutions for the year. A new week means hey, let’s maybe not eat so much pizza and maybe try a few more veggies this week. And now it’s a new month. Not just any month, but the month that officially marks the end of summer and beginning of fall.
It’s no secret that the past few months haven’t been a picnic for me. I’ve never wanted to get too into it on the blog because honestly there is only so much emotion you can translate on a keyboard.
Three months ago my world completely changed. The life I thought I had and planned on living for years to come crumbled around me. Not for any tangible reason, no huge traumatic event, no giant moment of hurt or deceit, but it happened nonetheless. I quit my job and started on a whole new (and risky) life path. I left the city I had called home for six months and moved back into my childhood bedroom. I started having panic attacks and days where I couldn’t get out of bed. Zain and I ended our relationship. In the moment of it all it seemed like I was drowning slowly and I was never going to get past it. Everything changed. My body freaked out. My period disappeared and my acne came back in full force. I stopped working out and not only felt myself getting fluffier, but my mood plummeted. The pain that I felt the past three months was the lowest point of my life, without. a. doubt. Four months ago I was working in PR living with my boyfriend who I planned on marrying, and less than three weeks later everything was different. I won’t ever get into the breakup in this forum, but we will always love each other for the people we are. But I’m finally at a point where I can honestly say with no sadness that I loved our relationship for everything that it was and everything that it taught me. As cliche as that sounds, it’s the truth. He will always be near and dear to my heart, and a true love that I won’t forget.
So here we are. It’s September. And I’m surprisingly, genuinely HAPPY. I have spent more time with my friends than I did when we were in college. I have loved EVERY single second of my new job at lululemon. The people I work with seem almost too good to be true – like they were sent by God to be in my life at this point. I have never felt so supported, so loved, so understood, so heard. We have talks during work about life and love and just the beauty of it all, the happiness AND the pain. Just the idea that being human, being alive, being able to experience feelings at all is such a blessing. I think that’s one notion that’s really helped push me through the dark period: mindfulness. Through everything, I let myself feel what I wanted to feel — both good and bad. I was mindful, honest, and accepting of how I was feeling in the moment and didn’t try to control, resist, or change it. And now I’m at the point where, between my family, friends and new coworkers and work experiences, I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and a grateful heart.
Two months ago if you had told me that I would be this happy I would have never believed you. But I am so excited for the life I’m building with my own two hands. I finally had the courage to slow down and take control so that I could make sure that everything I was doing was pushing me forward to becoming the best version of myself.
September is so monumental for me. It’s a month to start anew. Sure, it’s going to be full of leggings and boots, pumpkin spice lattes, raking leaves with friends, trail runs, concerts, food trucks, work outings, new fitness classes, studying, etc.But I feel like this month is dedicated to myself. It’s not dedicated to moving, to job stress, to trying to save a relationship, to reconnecting with old friends. I did that all in August. And now September I’m going to sit back and let love lead.
Thanks, as always, for dedicating some of your day to connect with me. I love learning all about your lives and I’m thrilled that you think I’m important enough to read about as well! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am SO blessed to have this blog and all of YOU. For some reason you always come back to hear what I have to say. You make me feel connected in a way that can’t be matched.
- What are you most excited for this September?
- Share your life experience with me, if you’ve ever been through something like this.