confessions of an insincere blogger

Let’s talk about about expectations of life and blogging.

I took a week or so off from writing, not because I was too busy but because I think I’m running out of things to say. I was reflecting on that yesterday and wondered, how could that be? I have lots to say in real life, so how is it that when I blog I’m at a loss? I realized that no, I’m not running out of things to say, I’m running out of ways to follow the template that I have set for myself when I blog. Healthy tip one day, workout picture another, recipe the next day and my indulgent meals at the end of the weekend. I have this idea about how to write a successful blog, as if it’s some kind of scientific method.  So why do I continue to follow a certain pattern?

I have this inherent need to make other people like me. The people closest to me know this and trust me, it’s annoying as hell. If I want fro-yo but my friends don’t I won’t get it alone because I don’t want to a) inconvenience other people and b) “awkwardly” eat by myself. I tip extra because I’m worried that the pizza delivery guy will be mad at me if I don’t. I get serious anxiety if I’m in a public place with my friends and I think we’re being too loud, because heaven forbid we’re “those people” annoying the people around us (who were probably already annoyed to begin with). It’s EXHAUSTING. I don’t say what I mean most of the time, especially if what I’m thinking or feeling would bring up conflict. It’s funny because I didn’t group up in a household where we avoid conflict, but for some reason 99% of the time if I can avoid that tough conversation, I do, because I don’t want to risk people thinking of me as anything less than that nice, friendly girl.

This need to make people happy has transcended into my blogging. I’ve been writing what I think you all WANT to hear and not what I want to write. In the end, this method is backfiring on me. I haven’t developed a relationship with my readers or let you all see who I really am besides someone who likes to talk about food and working out. I haven’t found my voice through this blog yet. Even when I write posts that have nothing to do with food or fitness I have serious anxiety that people won’t respond well. The funny thing is, though, that I’m forgetting there are human beings on the other end of the keyboard. You all are here not just to hear about my fitness goals and what I ate on Wednesday, but to get to know me as a writer and, more importantly, a friend. A “web” friend, but a friend nonetheless. You don’t know me well enough to stay interested week after week if I continue to just post according to a calendar. And sure, I’m insanely busy. I work six days a week, approximately 55 hours, between an internship at a PR company and a restaurant. So waking up every morning and finding inspiration to write about isn’t my top priority. But I have to stop thinking of this as me submitting posts to my high school newspaper and treat it more like my journal (without the boy band scribbles and sob stories about how hard geometry is). I have to find the balance between my identity as a food and fitness fanatic and my identity, period.

It’s an interesting problem I’m faced with, but I know I’ve seen many of you write about feeling this way before so I’d definitely appreciate any advice you have to give me!

Ok that was heavy — here are a few pictures of my weekend to lighten the mood 😉 I hope you have a great Monday!

Image

A crazy, cold, icy 5 mile run (but finishing felt incredible)ImageValentine’s day treats 🙂 A candy poster for Zain and chocolates/flowers and a heart-shaped pb&j for me (he knows the way to my heart)ImageCoffee with my best friend. There’s nothing better than losing yourself in conversation and before you know it hours have passed.ImageBrunch–does it get any better than mimosas and quiche?ImageImageImage

 

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11 comments

  1. i think the type a person i am was showing in my blogging when i first started three years ago. I was blogging more for others and not for me. honestly, it took me a while to find that point where I was just like wait what am I doing? my blog is my space to babble, talk about whatever and follow no sort of guidelines. don’t be afraid to find that for yourself as well!

  2. I have no advice to give (wah waaah) but I will say thanks for the honest post, and that I can totally relate! I often get caught up in trying too hard to write the “right” way, sometimes even basing it on what would gain more readers, if I am being honest. But I have found I enjoy this blogging experience so much more when I am staying true to myself and writing about things that I enjoy…Also, when I am investing in “web” friendships rather than the number of likes I get. Anyways, just wanted you to know that I understand and that I enjoy reading your blog 🙂

  3. New reader :). I found your blog from Kristina over at Damn Ten Pounds. This is the first post of yours I’m reading so I don’t know what your voice normally sounds like. This is great though, it’s real, it’s genuine and I can sense your desperation to let lose and be yourself. My advise, just do it. Write what you want to write and the right reader will find you.

    P.S. I’m currently enjoying a break and it’s wonderful. I’ve finally had some time to get back to reading blogs which is a big part of the reason I started blogging in the first place. Happy to have found you.

    1. I’m so happy you found me! Kristina’s blog is one of my favorites. Thanks for the words of encouragement and I hope you’ll stick around to hear more of what I have to say on this little old blog. I can’t wait to go check yours out now!

  4. I struggled with this too. I think all bloggers do at some point. I was given the advice to let loose, write about what I wanted to and even to unleash my potty mouth 🙂 After I started revealing little bits of myself, I had similar commenters come out of hiding and have genuinely enjoyed the connections I’ve made. So I will tell you the same thing… be yourself, write from your heart and just have fun with it.

  5. I started off with a travel blog that just wasn’t me (considering that I don’t actually travel very much . . .). Blogging wasn’t fun and it took up so much of my time because I wasn’t inspired. So I started clean with a “lifestyle blog” (I guess that’s what it’s categorized as . . ) and am really glad I did. Blogging isn’t a pain anymore and it’s way more me because I get to share more than just my minimal travels 🙂

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