forgiveness

hold off on the amber alert

I think I was getting to the point where I was actually seeing how long I could go without blogging. Over the past 1.5 weeks I’ve snapped photos of my meals, documented workouts, and thought “Oh, that’d be fun to write about!” But I never. actually. wrote. Little did I know I actually have some people who look forward to my posts so I got feedback just short of “do we need to call the police? Where’d you go?” That was pretty funny!

My life has done a complete 180 in the past week. Okay, that’s a tad dramatic. But I had a hard week. I’m going to choose not to elaborate, but it was one of those weeks where my character was tested. Like anyone else, I’m a human being. A human being who makes mistakes and has bad weeks. It took me almost seven whole days to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made recently and to make the conscious decision to go back to the person who I really am, but I did it. Do you ever have that eye-opening moment where you realize you’ve been acting a certain way that you thought was just fine, but in that one moment your eyes are opened and you realize you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror? It was one of those weeks. A week of personal reflection.

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Speaking of that, do you know what’s the worst? When you’re so upset that  you feel like you’re going to be sick for days, and you keep asking yourself, when is this going to get better? What can I do to make this better? And you realize that you have no control. The only thing that can make certain situations better is time. That’s the worst. I’m the kind of person who, when I have a problem, in order to make the “uncomfortable”, the “sad”, the “anxiousness” end, I try to control the speed of recovery. Unfortunately life doesn’t work like a math equation. Sometimes you just have to let your emotions play out and then, when you least expect it, you move on.

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 It’s been a really long time since I’ve been that disappointed in myself. Usually I have it all together and I’m fairly proud of the person I am. I still am…I’m not sure what I’m saying. All I know is this time last week I was eating one meal a day, spending my free time curled up on the couch, and I didn’t work out once. I was just sad about where my life was at, how I’d gotten there, and where I was going.

Today I’m all back to normal. Like the snap of my fingers I forgave myself and moved on. I’m at my new job, the weather is in the 50s and 60s (holla!) and I’m still surrounded by everyone I love.  And do you know what I did to fix everything that went wrong last week? Absolutely nothing. I just let time happen.

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I’ll be back this weekend with a “normal” blog post. Let’s just pretend this little hiatus didn’t even happen 🙂

So catch me up on your lives, friends. And listen to this beautiful song. Because it’s Friday.